Romantically Frustrated?

He wants to be left alone, but it scares me that if I do (I'm trying extremely hard to) everything will just slowly fade away. He told me he loves me, which is why I have all this hope. But he also told me it's over. I don't know what to think.

It sounds like you both need time to recover.
But you did apologize, you did give your best intentions and now he simply needs the freedom of time, much like you do.

Sadly it's just something that works through with time.

In a relationship invariably one person is more invested and loves more than the other. And when things go badly (for whatever reasons) a large number of times it's the person less-invested that is able to more easily make that emotional break from the other one. The other one is left to sort through feelings and deal with the void in life caused by still having feelings for someone that no longer does for them.

It just takes time. The more time you've spent loving that person the more time it will take to get over that feeling...kind of like a purgatory of sorts. :/

The process is sped up by having supporting, loving friends that care about you and will try their best to distract you with fun things, and away from the constant painful self-indulgent analysis of failed relationships most humans are prone to do after being hurt on that level. But turning the corner and deciding you and your heart are ok to try again is all on you. :/ That happens when it happens, and you decide to let it go and live for yourself again and relegate bittersweet memories to being just that--memories.

The way I got over past exes I actually cared for was to simply honor their memory. Keep them in your good graces regardless of how nasty things may have gotten near the end. Giving yourself the comfort and assurance that you did care for them and wish them the best while doing what you need to in your own life is quite liberating.
Perhaps in time when things are on even ground, you can re-establish something that will be mutually beneficial for each other.

Rather than hating yourself or making an enemy out of them, keep it all on a positive note; for the both of you.

Give it time. Time will allow both of you to heal, and the hurt you're feeling will likely dim with time. Also, what Schutz said-- spend time with your girl friends. It's tempting to stay at home and mope, but that's not going to help you. Spending time with friends who truly listen, and spending time to do things you enjoy to help take your mind off things will help.

It's ok to hold out hope, but you also have to judge by intent and action. You can't make someone emotionally stay in a relationship when they don't want to be...you can just hope for the best and maybe hope they realise their mistake. But if their actions and words state there is a finality to it...you have to make peace with that and move on.

There is nothing worse than having a long-term relationship built up on many years go sour with nothing to show for except memories, but that's how it is sometimes. It's a scary thought, and it's a shame, and it's sad that the other person might not value it as much as you do. Your best bet is to find someone that would appreciate your time and love and dedication instead.

Friends and ice cream make great recovery tools.
I was stupid and went with the cliche alcohol and self-pity.
Bad idea.

I keep going in circles from accepting this to missing him and wanting his attention. To see him and not be able to say anything tears me up. I don't know how to reinvent what I enjoy doing, as everything for a while focused around him, he made me happy. Also, I really don't have many close friends as I feel more comfortable confiding in and spending time with my partner (hence why I'm saying all this on an internet forum -.-). Since he left, I've lost any interest in my family, work, and I no longer look forward to returning to school in the summer. It's just impossible to do anything right now. Everything reminds me of him, and I break down constantly.

From the sound of it, you succumbed to your own emotions.
They're powerful, and they will change your perspective, attitude, and choices. Relationships are give and take, but most importantly they need to be mutual in that you genuinely enjoy and cherish the time with each other as yourselves. Otherwise you'll be in love with a concept more so than an actual person :/

Made this mistake several times in my younger years.

You just need time to re-create an identity of yourself that doesn't involve him. It's hard, but there was a solitary you before your relationship with him. You just need to identify again with that person and realise that level of self-dependence again.

To be completely cut off from him makes me feel so helpless. No matter the circumstances, I want to have some part of his life. Facing the reality of never hearing from him again is killing me.

this is why i try not to get too attached lol

/high five

Foreveralonebychoice!

My emotions are way too strong for my own good.

/high 5 :3

That's up to him ultimately.
There's no use beating yourself up over what you cannot control.
You already put the one factor in determining his decision: a heartfelt apology. All you can do now is wait and go on with life.
Besides, being depressed over him only gives him unwanted pressure.
If he wants to come back, it'd be someone who is completely sincere, but more importantly has themselves well composed. Basically, go back to what he loved (yourself), not what he dreads (you being unhappy).

I know I'd be hesitant going back to an ex that was an emotional train wreck over losing me.

I'm not trying to be overemotional about this, and I'm not too naive to think I'll feel this way forever. I understand what you mean but I'm stuck between feeling like if I hide any kind of lament I feel, he'll think I don't care that we're apart, and being too clingy or annoying, or having him feel like I don't respect his request. My instincts are probably wrong, but it's so agonizing to give him up so easily.

But you identify too much with Ramona Flowers for your own good, though. >.>;;

I do?
I don't see an evil league of my past exes trying to dominate the control of my love life.
Tsh, what am I saying? What love life?

If he is blind to not see your latent anguish over the current situation, then he is probably equally blind to not see you trying to keep your composure despite it as well.
If what you two had going was genuine, you shouldn't have to fear for his lack of emotional perception. Otherwise he wouldn't be worth pining over to begin with.

If he's in pain, it's an instinct for me to want to be there for him... He's at a bad time in his life, despite how kind and patient he was with me, beyond what I deserved. I guess he finally realized it. He's convinced we won't be happy together, I don't blame him. I took him for granted, and I deserve all that I get.

what did you do that he broke up with you?

I'm not comfortable going into detail, but I let something I've struggled with for years come between us. I took him for granted and took out my anger on him, apologized, he forgave me, I promised I'd change, I didn't, he began to feel unappreciated and unhappy. His decision was difficult for him, but I can do nothing to change his mind. I'm at his mercy, but the guilt I feel about this... I just can't stand it. I'm not a forgiving person.

your not forgiving about what?