Random Thoughts.....What Are You Thinking?

I feel like something about last night is finally starting to hit me. For one it's like I'm just now realizing I sent my father an email last night. Mostly because he's been gone (I have no idea where) since I've been on winter break. So he's been contacting me through emails. Well last night he had sent me one that started normal (all of them have generally been asking how I've been, making sure I'm eating enough, you know parent stuff) then he said something about how he's sorry for not having anything in common with me (He's always been an outdoorsy hands on type and I've obviously been dragged into the electronic age of my generation) so I ended up sending this whole email trying to tell him how he shouldn't beat himself up and stuff because if it wasn't for him I would be the person I am now and that I wouldn't trade him for the world... I forgot why I started writing this now...

Exactly. Did I turn out exactly like him? No, but he taught me so much. I may not be the lady's man he was as a teenager but he taught me how to respect women. I have always gotten compliments for being gentlemanly and if it wasn't for Dad I wouldn't have grown up to be so stuck to those old fashioned ways. Do we have all of the same interests? No, in fact I really wouldn't be surprised if we didn't have any of the same interests. But that doesn't change the fact that he's my father, I love him no matter how racist he is, no matter how different he is from me, and no matter how much he think he's failed me for w/e reason. I've said it many times and I won't stop anytime soon, he's the best father in the world to me and I would never trade him for anyone else in the world.

My dad is a stubborn old man (He's over 60 I've always been told he looks more like a grandfather than a father) so he's stuck in his old semi-racist ways and I've learned to accept it. He's never caused problems because of it, just racists comments while we're driving by people in the ghetto mostly, even with my probably only black friend who he actually seems to get along with the best out of all my friends. He's never been bad to me he's always encouraged me to be better. The biggest thing with him feeling he's failed me is because he was a truck driver since before even my sister was born, that means he was almost constantly on the road and had very little time for us kids because of it. He hates that he never had enough time to spend with us and seems to feel like we don't love him, in fact that we hate him, because of it. However he's always been there when it really counted, he was constantly a parent on field trips when I was in elementry school whenever he could fit it into his schedule. And when it came to my grades he always just wanted me to try my best (I've been considered somewhat gifted and yet I've always felt the need to slack off in my classes for one reason or another). So like I said he's always been really supportive of me no matter what I do, does that mean he hasn't put me down once or twice? no he has but it was when I really needed the reality check and I honestly think I was made better because of those moments.