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By . on 2017-04-11 10:52:18 |
being in an extremely tight spot
phrasing boom
Also feel like that trip is kind of needed for me to decide where we're sitting at relationship wise because I've felt really... meh lately.
/notepad
talk about "meh" Enjoy, and this may not be all, kinda doing this on a 10min break.
I've gotten to this point where I'm almost annoyed to be in the same space/talking to her. I don't hate her, but I just...
don't really want to be around her I guess?
I've been trying to decide if it's just a mixture of my usual stress/anxiety/depression that's then amplified due to the child causing me to just be overall numb to people, or if I'm really just not connecting with her anymore.
I keep looking at our interactions now and I just don't know if we ever really meshed well, like some days it seems like we can hold a conversation and other days I feel like we're both just barely dragging topics out of each other. Her values and goals feel incredibly different than mine and not just in a "Oh yea we're different people" sorta way.
I don't feel like I provide enough support to her either because I just... can't be assed? I don't even know how to word this one, I guess part of it is she doesn't really have any friends and I do have those outside connections. The only people she can really go to besides me is family where as I'm almost completely disconnected from my family except in extreme circumstances (deaths, inner family squabbles that I actually have to be a part of).
On that note, being anywhere near her family is an extreme amount of nope for me, I don't even want to waste my time going over for holidays anymore, I literally can't stand the way they operate, especially since 90% of the time some kind of argument and large amounts of yelling ensue when I join them, and I'm not even a part of it. It is literally their family ripping into each other for the tiniest things and I have to stop myself from joining in/outright leaving in the middle of it because it just doesn't involve me.
I also keep wondering if I'm ever going to be able to properly provide the support she needs as a significant other, as we both suffer from depression. However we obviously have different ways of dealing with it when it hits hard, she shuts down far more than I do because I can at least get a manic episode in every so often to cover for things, or my episodes end up... weaker? Than hers and I'll still get out of bed to at least do the essentials (cleanup, wash dishes, stuff like that). She is... much more severe, she essentially shuts down. I understand this, and I try to help when it happens, but if I attempt to do anything around the house when she's in this mood it ends up back firing on me because then she feels worse because I apparently am not allowed to be a fellow resident of the household and actually do any house work. I had to pull teeth to be "allowed" to do dishes.
Which is frustrating, because I grew up in a military home, where dishes are done either when you're done with the meal, or within 24 hours. If you really have to delay it, you at least rinse things out to make stuff easier/faster down the line. She... doesn't do or seem to understand this, and will also constantly gripe about how dishes wouldn't be anywhere near as bad if we had a dishwasher... they'd be the same, nothing would change.
I just...
Then there's the child who I feel I'm getting shorter and shorter with and it keeps reminding me that... I really don't want to nor do I think I am prepared/suited for parenthood. I'm not stupid enough to completely neglect a wee human but... I really just... don't care? Like, I don't feel any connection to this child other than basic "she is a living being and I can't just let her die when she's really done nothing wrong" and I feel like that... really wrong of me if I'm going to stay in this relationship...
I guess overall we're not really that good for each other and that I am in no way the kind of support she, or her child, needs. The only good thing I think I even bring to the table for her right now is some amount of financial stability(I've been paying out of pocket college expenses for the past... 7 months?) and what little social interaction I've managed to force her into just because I'm constantly in some kind of communication with friends.
I'm kind of afraid I'm going to end up like my father, marrying a woman I don't really care for just to keep up appearances around a child, except this time without any real care being had for the child involved.
But then I'm also afraid of what ends up happening if I do decide this isn't worth it and take off, like no matter what I do I end up screwing her over because... there's no way her family can support her, especially while in college, if I decide to leave. But then am I just staying because I'm afraid of the repercussions and not because I actually want to stay?
She's a great person, and we get along but... I don't know.
TDLR: I'm picking apart every little thing and I'm not sure if it's just me being an *** or if this relationship really isn't going to work out in the end
I feel like there are a lot of red flags there and I feel like I'm exactly the wrong person to try to approach many of them. But I think you should have someone professional approach them.
I don't mean Dr. Nik and Nurse Parker, either! You don't need a new glowing green growth on top of everything else. |
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By Lakshmi. Zerowone on 2017-04-11 10:45:45 |
I really wanna play Breath of the wild but I don't have the money to drop on a Switch. x.x It's on Wii U too.
And on PC...
My wife won't let Me play on the console....it's "her copy".
But I get the 4K down scale version. |
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being in an extremely tight spot
phrasing boom
Also feel like that trip is kind of needed for me to decide where we're sitting at relationship wise because I've felt really... meh lately.
/notepad
talk about "meh" Enjoy, and this may not be all, kinda doing this on a 10min break.
I've gotten to this point where I'm almost annoyed to be in the same space/talking to her. I don't hate her, but I just...
don't really want to be around her I guess?
I've been trying to decide if it's just a mixture of my usual stress/anxiety/depression that's then amplified due to the child causing me to just be overall numb to people, or if I'm really just not connecting with her anymore.
I keep looking at our interactions now and I just don't know if we ever really meshed well, like some days it seems like we can hold a conversation and other days I feel like we're both just barely dragging topics out of each other. Her values and goals feel incredibly different than mine and not just in a "Oh yea we're different people" sorta way.
I don't feel like I provide enough support to her either because I just... can't be assed? I don't even know how to word this one, I guess part of it is she doesn't really have any friends and I do have those outside connections. The only people she can really go to besides me is family where as I'm almost completely disconnected from my family except in extreme circumstances (deaths, inner family squabbles that I actually have to be a part of).
On that note, being anywhere near her family is an extreme amount of nope for me, I don't even want to waste my time going over for holidays anymore, I literally can't stand the way they operate, especially since 90% of the time some kind of argument and large amounts of yelling ensue when I join them, and I'm not even a part of it. It is literally their family ripping into each other for the tiniest things and I have to stop myself from joining in/outright leaving in the middle of it because it just doesn't involve me.
I also keep wondering if I'm ever going to be able to properly provide the support she needs as a significant other, as we both suffer from depression. However we obviously have different ways of dealing with it when it hits hard, she shuts down far more than I do because I can at least get a manic episode in every so often to cover for things, or my episodes end up... weaker? Than hers and I'll still get out of bed to at least do the essentials (cleanup, wash dishes, stuff like that). She is... much more severe, she essentially shuts down. I understand this, and I try to help when it happens, but if I attempt to do anything around the house when she's in this mood it ends up back firing on me because then she feels worse because I apparently am not allowed to be a fellow resident of the household and actually do any house work. I had to pull teeth to be "allowed" to do dishes.
Which is frustrating, because I grew up in a military home, where dishes are done either when you're done with the meal, or within 24 hours. If you really have to delay it, you at least rinse things out to make stuff easier/faster down the line. She... doesn't do or seem to understand this, and will also constantly gripe about how dishes wouldn't be anywhere near as bad if we had a dishwasher... they'd be the same, nothing would change.
I just...
Then there's the child who I feel I'm getting shorter and shorter with and it keeps reminding me that... I really don't want to nor do I think I am prepared/suited for parenthood. I'm not stupid enough to completely neglect a wee human but... I really just... don't care? Like, I don't feel any connection to this child other than basic "she is a living being and I can't just let her die when she's really done nothing wrong" and I feel like that... really wrong of me if I'm going to stay in this relationship...
I guess overall we're not really that good for each other and that I am in no way the kind of support she, or her child, needs. The only good thing I think I even bring to the table for her right now is some amount of financial stability(I've been paying out of pocket college expenses for the past... 7 months?) and what little social interaction I've managed to force her into just because I'm constantly in some kind of communication with friends.
I'm kind of afraid I'm going to end up like my father, marrying a woman I don't really care for just to keep up appearances around a child, except this time without any real care being had for the child involved.
But then I'm also afraid of what ends up happening if I do decide this isn't worth it and take off, like no matter what I do I end up screwing her over because... there's no way her family can support her, especially while in college, if I decide to leave. But then am I just staying because I'm afraid of the repercussions and not because I actually want to stay?
She's a great person, and we get along but... I don't know.
TDLR: I'm picking apart every little thing and I'm not sure if it's just me being an *** or if this relationship really isn't going to work out in the end |
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By Shiva. Nikolce on 2017-04-11 10:06:41 |
being in an extremely tight spot
phrasing boom
Also feel like that trip is kind of needed for me to decide where we're sitting at relationship wise because I've felt really... meh lately.
/notepad
talk about "meh" |
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aand you should stream it? Have to see if it's in my budget first.
We're looking at being in an extremely tight spot in May, to the point where I've been really wanting to cancel our ACEN trip. But at this point I'm afraid to bring it up because the GF was so dead set on going and has been working so hard...
Also feel like that trip is kind of needed for me to decide where we're sitting at relationship wise because I've felt really... meh lately. |
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aand you should stream it?
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I really wanna play Breath of the wild but I don't have the money to drop on a Switch. x.x It's on Wii U too. 
Why do I keep forgetting this. |
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By Asura. Dameshi on 2017-04-11 09:21:32 |
I really wanna play Breath of the wild but I don't have the money to drop on a Switch. x.x It's on Wii U too. |
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By Asura. Dameshi on 2017-04-11 09:21:18 |
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That may have been the best explanation of the Great Plateau quest line I've ever read.
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I really wanna play Breath of the wild but I don't have the money to drop on a Switch. x.x
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By Shiva. Nikolce on 2017-04-11 08:55:39 |
woke up still drunk. went back to sleep. overslept. *** you tuesday.
wheel of excuses turn turn turn tell us the excuse that we should use...
PARKER!
YouTube Video Placeholder
excuse #3 huh... <paper rustling> garage door spring broke again.
That darn thing breaks at the worst times.... /sips coffee
PARKER get all your shots we may get shipped off to china. |
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By . on 2017-04-11 08:33:23 |
Let's back up to the woman in the first still of that video.
Is that Jenna Coleman's mom or something?
Because I am a happily married man and, as such, *extremely* rarely comment on the attractiveness of other women.
But Jenna's in my colloquial "top 5" and...that woman looks like a 1970s Jenna. Just sayin'.
Also, in a related topic that may or may not be relevant:
nah that is just the lovely hazel english. found a pre-order for her new album and fell in love. kind of corny, but she's definitely got talent. just kind of the "hip style" to do that retro throw back type of filter.
Ah. Googled her. She looks significantly different in other images. Ah well. |
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By Shiva. Nikolce on 2017-04-11 01:41:11 |
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Scotch is finally kicking in...see you in a few hours
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By Shiva. Nikolce on 2017-04-11 01:26:41 |
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"King Meshi" looks like he banged a hooker from chernobyl....
Russian bride.com strikes again!
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By Lakshmi. Zerowone on 2017-04-11 00:12:08 |
So I finally got around to tweaking some files last night on the gaming pc. Loaded up Breath of the Wild and it was glorious at 60fps. Only draw back was the ridiculous speed in some of the shrines. Then I realized I hadn't activated the 2160p graphics pack...it was Vanglorious.
So tonight I finally sat down and committed some time to playing through the first area of Breath of the Wild or as I like to call it the Legend of Zelda: The Great Calamity that Befell the Kingdom of Ni.
Should warn you all the images are 2560x1080.
So I met this old dude on top of this mountain, who at first I thought was either Mosin or Nikolce. I figured he was Mosin because he was mad chill and was like "dude you climbed up this cold *** mountain? here take a parka for your troubles. You should totally check out that shrine over there". Obviously it was not Niko because he would have kicked me off the mountain and laughed as I tumbled down into the cold *** river below.
So off I go all Kurgan like shouting "There can be only one!"
I get to the shrine and I'm like damn this view is NOICE.
Inside the Shrine I meet Niko and he is like "GTFO out my shrine but first take some Whiskey for your Soul and head to the Temple of Altana and pray for Mercy"
So off to the Temple I go...
There I meet that mad chill old dude who I thought was Mosin. Turns out its really, King Meshi and he begins to tells me about how he's been cursed with this horrible green glow....
.... and how 100 days ago a great calamity befell the Kingdom of Ni in the guise of Calamity Rooks and his 4 Beasts AnalMolly, Smackeron, and 2 other guys nobody remembers but they're M.I.A. He then tells me of how they captured him and doused him with the forsaken green glow to replace one of the two.
And I'm all like:
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I want the power to go in and edit posts where Kojo purposefully misspells my name. Should've applied to join our FFXIV static; we would have made you a mod by default. We could've added 4.
Edited 4 accuracy. Actually, we usually ban people for *** up their rotation. When was the last time you saw Ackeron on here?
But wait wouldn't you have been banned a while ago if this was the case? No, I mainly play WHM. Rotisserie is ezpz. I watched Vyre died numerous times last night under your watch.
I bet I still have the healing logs from those fights too. :3
I want the power to go in and edit posts where Kojo purposefully misspells my name. Should've applied for mod. We could've added 4. Eh, if it happens again I'll put my hat in. Which means I guess I should work on my self-esteem so that I can actually make a proper request. I was on AST, I usually run it on WHM. Plus I don't want you guys to feel like I carried you. |
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By Ragnarok. Hevans on 2017-04-10 22:50:18 |
Let's back up to the woman in the first still of that video.
Is that Jenna Coleman's mom or something?
Because I am a happily married man and, as such, *extremely* rarely comment on the attractiveness of other women.
But Jenna's in my colloquial "top 5" and...that woman looks like a 1970s Jenna. Just sayin'.
Also, in a related topic that may or may not be relevant:
nah that is just the lovely hazel english. found a pre-order for her new album and fell in love. kind of corny, but she's definitely got talent. just kind of the "hip style" to do that retro throw back type of filter. |
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By . on 2017-04-10 21:08:01 |
Also, let's wrap up Melancholy Monday in style:
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By . on 2017-04-10 21:01:36 |
melancholy monday
YouTube Video Placeholder
Let's back up to the woman in the first still of that video.
Is that Jenna Coleman's mom or something?
Because I am a happily married man and, as such, *extremely* rarely comment on the attractiveness of other women.
But Jenna's in my colloquial "top 5" and...that woman looks like a 1970s Jenna. Just sayin'.
Also, in a related topic that may or may not be relevant:
There are times where I really worry
we know remo, in your case we call that time "when you're awake".
Yeah, well. We've all got our reasons for drinking, don't we? |
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By . on 2017-04-10 21:00:46 |
You have all failed me not posting this before I got a chance.
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By Lakshmi. Zerowone on 2017-04-10 20:00:39 |
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By Ragnarok. Hevans on 2017-04-10 16:37:35 |
melancholy monday
YouTube Video Placeholder |
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By Asura. Dameshi on 2017-04-10 16:00:28 |
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Bismarck.Dracondria said: »Bismarck.Dracondria said: »Spaith*
Spaith? I'm not sure I understand They're trying to imitate Ferret's need to spell my name wrong any time he mentions me.
It was from that time we did Zurvan and then it turned into Spaith probe and Spaith, the final frontier etc I forgot about that, good call. |
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Bismarck.Dracondria said: »Spaith*
Spaith? I'm not sure I understand They're trying to imitate Ferret's need to spell my name wrong any time he mentions me.
It was from that time we did Zurvan and then it turned into Spaith probe and Spaith, the final frontier etc |
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By Shiva. Nikolce on 2017-04-10 14:50:42 |
When was the last time you saw Ackeron on here?
this is how it works
first failure has to post.... and then I have to notice and then I call him a bunch of names.... and then ackeroni shows up and bans me for two weeks and then he drinks himself into a coma....
lather, rinse, repeat
it's not the greatest/most reliable system but what do you want from a pack of screwheads!? |
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I want the power to go in and edit posts where Kojo purposefully misspells my name. Should've applied to join our FFXIV static; we would have made you a mod by default. We could've added 4.
Edited 4 accuracy. Actually, we usually ban people for *** up their rotation. When was the last time you saw Ackeron on here?
But wait wouldn't you have been banned a while ago if this was the case? No, I mainly play WHM. Rotisserie is ezpz. I watched Vyre died numerous times last night under your watch.
I bet I still have the healing logs from those fights too. :3
I want the power to go in and edit posts where Kojo purposefully misspells my name. Should've applied for mod. We could've added 4. Eh, if it happens again I'll put my hat in. Which means I guess I should work on my self-esteem so that I can actually make a proper request. |
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I want the power to go in and edit posts where Kojo purposefully misspells my name. Should've applied to join our FFXIV static; we would have made you a mod by default. We could've added 4.
Edited 4 accuracy. Actually, we usually ban people for *** up their rotation. When was the last time you saw Ackeron on here?
But wait wouldn't you have been banned a while ago if this was the case? No, I mainly play WHM. Rotisserie is ezpz. |
