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Can't really give relationship advice since I am *** :D
wait...that's an exclusion!? Wat. Ok fine no advice from me ever ;;
I ment the being ***excludes one from giving relationship advice which disqualifies all of us from giving any lol Oh. Well I think other people are better at relationships compared to me lol Nobody is good at relationships. Everyone sucks at them. Some people are just better and working through ***to find a diamond. |
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By Asura. Dameshi on 2017-04-11 13:54:08 |
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Company says my email response time is bad, starts emailing other people in the office to see if I'm in.
I look at time stamps
Email received: 1:51
Response sent: 1:56
...No you're just incredibly unrealistic here. Especially since, you know, I HAVE OTHER ***TO DO.
Addendum: The information they were asking about in said email I had already sent them earlier in the day as well...
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By Shiva. Nikolce on 2017-04-11 13:53:06 |
God my niece is 5. So I'm like maybe she won't be as annoying. Nope even worse when she's like look what I got haha and you didn't! So I just ignore her lol any response I give will not go well at all. Hahaha
that kid didn't get enough spanks if she is sassing her auntie! |
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By Ultros. Chu Chu on 2017-04-11 13:49:48 |
I guess I should also remind you all, it's not my child. She was hitting 2 whenever I entered the situation. God my niece is 5. So I'm like maybe she won't be as annoying. Nope even worse when she's like look what I got haha and you didn't! So I just ignore her lol any response I give will not go well at all. Hahaha |
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By Shiva. Nikolce on 2017-04-11 13:47:23 |
I guess I should also remind you all, it's not my child. She was hitting 2 whenever I entered the situation.  |
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By Ultros. Chu Chu on 2017-04-11 13:46:07 |
Can't really give relationship advice since I am *** :D
wait...that's an exclusion!? Wat. Ok fine no advice from me ever ;;
I ment the being ***excludes one from giving relationship advice which disqualifies all of us from giving any lol Oh. Well I think other people are better at relationships compared to me lol |
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I guess I should also remind you all, it's not my child. She was hitting 2 whenever I entered the situation.
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By . on 2017-04-11 13:45:17 |
At this point in my life and seeing my sister succeed in her hygenist program makes me want to get into a program for something specific like a vet assistant or something. Just close to getting my bachelor's just really not feeling like this is what I should do.
I'm strongly considering augmenting my education in the near future and gradually getting into a new field. |
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By Shiva. Nikolce on 2017-04-11 13:44:27 |
Can't really give relationship advice since I am *** :D
wait...that's an exclusion!? Wat. Ok fine no advice from me ever ;;
I ment the being ***excludes one from giving relationship advice which disqualifies all of us from giving any lol |
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By Ultros. Chu Chu on 2017-04-11 13:43:16 |
Oh I guess I only have my loan experience. Fairly tiny to me. I'm stem too but I didn't accept too much
I'm in the group of later Gen X/early millenials that really got plowed by the "YOU'VE GOT TO GO TO COLLEGE BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY IF YOU'RE GOING TO SUCCEED IN LIFE" phenomenon. So...I went to college by any means necessary.
I was not STEM. I probably should have been, but it wouldn't have gone well at the time anyhow for various reasons.
But I do have a degree.
Most expensive wall decoration I'll ever buy. At this point in my life and seeing my sister succeed in her hygenist program makes me want to get into a program for something specific like a vet assistant or something. Just close to getting my bachelor's just really not feeling like this is what I should do. |
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By Shiva. Nikolce on 2017-04-11 13:41:21 |
most of the "bad qualities" are on me.
no problem... if spathaian's plan is to walk the earth like Kwai Chang Caine in kung fu that's kool and the gang.
but if her plan isn't follow spathaian around while he wanders the earth you're going to have a bad time. |
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By . on 2017-04-11 13:40:20 |
Oh I guess I only have my loan experience. Fairly tiny to me. I'm stem too but I didn't accept too much
I'm in the group of later Gen X/early millenials that really got plowed by the "YOU'VE GOT TO GO TO COLLEGE BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY IF YOU'RE GOING TO SUCCEED IN LIFE" phenomenon. Like, I remember my grandma doing it to me when I was like 6. "You've gotta prepare, you've gotta go, you've gotta succeed because without college you'll be worthless!"
So...I went to college by any means necessary.
I was not STEM. I probably should have been, but it wouldn't have gone well at the time anyhow for various reasons.
But I do have a degree.
Most expensive wall decoration I'll ever buy. |
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By Ultros. Chu Chu on 2017-04-11 13:39:53 |
Can't really give relationship advice since I am *** :D
wait...that's an exclusion!? Wat. Ok fine no advice from me ever ;; |
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By Ultros. Chu Chu on 2017-04-11 13:37:06 |
And they are usually low monthly payments
I can tell you from experience that this is entirely dependent upon the size of your loans and income.
As for financial aid, it depends upon the field she's in a lot. Women in STEM fields can qualify for a lot. I know my wife got some good contributions from that when she was in school. Try to stick with federal loans, not private, as well. Oh I guess I only have my loan experience. Fairly tiny to me. I'm stem too but I didn't accept too much |
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By Shiva. Nikolce on 2017-04-11 13:36:28 |
Can't really give relationship advice since I am *** :D
wait...that's an exclusion!? |
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By . on 2017-04-11 13:31:00 |
And they are usually low monthly payments
I can tell you from experience that this is entirely dependent upon the size of your loans and income.
As for financial aid, it depends upon the field she's in a lot. Women in STEM fields can qualify for a lot. I know my wife got some good contributions from that when she was in school. Try to stick with federal loans, not private, as well. |
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By Ultros. Chu Chu on 2017-04-11 13:23:06 |
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She should be able to get more financial aid? Loans can be worried about once she's graduated and even then they can push it back 9 months before you have to start paying. And they are usually low monthly payments. Mine are 50 a month for example. There should be some way to not have you pay for everything
Can't really give relationship advice since I am *** :D
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By . on 2017-04-11 13:14:56 |
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Like I said. Professional help if you can. Especially if you're employed and have access to health insurance to cover it. Otherwise look into free care in your area. Scheduling may be backed up and the like but "eventually" is better than "never."
I would definitely not make another baby at this point.
I'm admittedly not 100% sure how the first one happened (in the logical sense. I've got a grip on the basic biological functions...) or what decision processes went into it. I'm assuming it was unplanned but...wtf do I know, anyhow?
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TDLR: I'm picking apart every little thing and I'm not sure if it's just me being an *** or if this relationship really isn't going to work out in the end
you're both going to die in the end. there ain't a damn thing I cand do about it. and happily ever after is only part of the story.....
remember the serenity prayer.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference
there are some "deal breakers" in there that you two need to work out. everything from how many kids you want to where you want to live how you want to raise the kids where you want to retire how and who handles the money and pays the bills and the whole division of labor stuff
if you two are not going in the same direction then logic dictates you're only going to get further and further apart.
and the kid is tough. you fall in love with the little buggers only to have them yanked away or used as leverage. I've been there and it's rough.
Rather than get upset about it I enjoy the time I spend with them. it's better to loved and lost than never loved at all... type deal.
my sugestion is make a plan. write down where you see yourself in five/ten year increments or so from now until you die... here's my rough plan
22-married 25-buy a house 30-finish having 2-3 kids 40-work my *** off 50-kids leave house 55-finish paying off the house 60 enjoy the grandkids 65 realize I didn't save enough for retirement 75 retire/die
have her write one and compare the two if her's says she is done having kids, wants to use spaath until she finishs college, she wants to ditch her kid on spaath, move to california and smoke pot on the beach and follow whatever band replaced the grateful dead that kids follow around....
you got real problems
Want to clear some things up here since I feel like something may have been misconstrued. I'm the one who doesn't care for the child. I thoughgt that maybe she'd grow on me and maybe I'd be a little better off after spending more time around her.
To follow up on this, she talks about having another little one off and on and I just... don't want it. I really don't even want the current one. Maybe that'll change down the line but I really don't see much in myself when it comes to wanting any children.
As for the paying college thing, that's up in the air. To my knowledge she is not attempting to use me for that in any way. Basically what happened is before I came in her father was able to pay for anything that wasn't covered by her scholarships/grants/whatever, but at that point he was employed and she was only in community college.
When I showed up, her father ended up having a stroke and has wound up essentially jobless for the last... 10 months? because of it, he and the rest of her family (mother, 2 teenage siblings) are essentially living off of his savings, his social secuirty, and what little money her mother brings in by selling "Posh."
So basically as soon as I got a job I had to take over everything, which I was willing to do at the time because I felt like I needed to. I had essentially been living rent free up until that point(3 months ish? Granted I was paying for things around the house that were absolutely needed)since I didn't have a job and was having terrible luck getting one.
However, originally it was decided we would split bills if I moved in, me taking most of the work(rent) while he handled lesser things such as utility bills. Within 1-2 months his tune changed completely and I had to pay all of it. Again, I was okay with this because his situation had changed, and as I said before I was essentially a freeloader up until this point(my words). Even though he's been cleared by doctors nobody wants to hire a man who just had a stroke, especially since his original position as a pharmacist really does require 99-100% functioning brain. That said, that family spends incredibly frivolously, having their entire kitchen, outside of the house, and pool area remodeled(part of which included getting a hot tub) during all of this while knowing he may not be able to get his job back.
... and I've gone on a rant...
Basically, she's not a scum bag or anything, and most of the "bad qualities" are on me.
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By Shiva. Nikolce on 2017-04-11 12:39:32 |
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By . on 2017-04-11 12:38:46 |
whatever band replaced the grateful dead that kids follow around....
I think it might still be Phish but maybe I'm getting old and they've been replaced too.
Anyway, I'd strongly look into more treatment regarding the depression/bipolar angle for both of you. In her case especially PP may offer or refer her to free/low cost services given there's a kiddo involved. In your case, does your employer offer any sort of service? I know many do that offer a few sessions for free and then help you work out coverage that your benefits cover. These services are not, however, always loudly advertised.
Otherwise more or less what Nik said. |
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By Shiva. Nikolce on 2017-04-11 12:30:53 |
I'm encouraged that he even talks about it with us... so many kids nowadays jump off the cliff first and ask for advice during the freefall...
she spent too much on 2 vacation trips in 2 week's, back to back.
like misao's sister...
TDLR: I'm picking apart every little thing and I'm not sure if it's just me being an *** or if this relationship really isn't going to work out in the end
you're both going to die in the end. there ain't a damn thing I cand do about it. and happily ever after is only part of the story.....
remember the serenity prayer.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference
there are some "deal breakers" in there that you two need to work out. everything from how many kids you want to where you want to live how you want to raise the kids where you want to retire how and who handles the money and pays the bills and the whole division of labor stuff
if you two are not going in the same direction then logic dictates you're only going to get further and further apart.
and the kid is tough. you fall in love with the little buggers only to have them yanked away or used as leverage. I've been there and it's rough.
Rather than get upset about it I enjoy the time I spend with them. it's better to loved and lost than never loved at all... type deal.
my sugestion is make a plan. write down where you see yourself in five/ten year increments or so from now until you die... here's my rough plan
22-married 25-buy a house 30-finish having 2-3 kids 40-work my *** off 50-kids leave house 55-finish paying off the house 60 enjoy the grandkids 65 realize I didn't save enough for retirement 75 retire/die
have her write one and compare the two if her's says she is done having kids, wants to use spaath until she finishs college, she wants to ditch her kid on spaath, move to california and smoke pot on the beach and follow whatever band replaced the grateful dead that kids follow around....
you got real problems
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By Asura. Dameshi on 2017-04-11 11:41:19 |
MFW Sister tells me she has to move out of (nice house)her room before next month,
because she cant make rent, cause she spent too much (scolarship/aid/w.e) on 2 vacation trips in 2 week's, back to back. Sounds to me like she could use the Meshi's Financial Understanding Concepts & Knowledge. It is an (non) accredited course that ties (non) state of the art financial methods with (non) aggressive saving to allow for financial stability in these tough times.
For a nominal $2500 fee plus $150 per hour she too can live a life of financial stability within her means. Certified check required at start. |
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MFW Sister tells me she has to move out of (nice house)her room before next month,
because she cant make rent, cause she spent too much (scolarship/aid/w.e) on 2 vacation trips in 2 week's, back to back. |
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any possibility of uhm, scholarship or financial aid? All of her scholarships/financial aid go straight to the university right now, there is nothing left over and it already doesn't cover everything last I checked.
I haven't really ask her where he student loans sit either as I really don't want to think about them currently. Knowing they're there is enough right now. |
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any possibility of uhm, scholarship or financial aid?
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and no, not saying to get a dog
no, not saying to make her a dog girl.
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I fully agree with those responses.
I'm just not sure how we'd fit such things into our budget right now, especially since I'll have more college costs to pay come June (she has to take two accelerated foreign language classes through the community college to go along with the classes she's taking through the university in order to meet graduation requirements.)
But I may also be overthinking that bit. I tend to panic harder than I probably should when I'm under a "safe buffer" in my checking account, which we've pretty much been operating at for awhile.
The closer we get to this con date the more I want to cancel just to have the money back. I mean... I don't even think we'll have any spending money when we're out there, which is like 60% of the fun of going to a con. But maybe I'm wrong on that, and she does need to get out of the house, and this is the only time she's managed to get her parents, or anyone for that matter to watch the child for more than a couple hours(3 days)...
Blah
Sorry guys really didn't mean to get all feely up in here.
._.
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love or not-love doesnt change the situation one can be tossed into, and sometimes something has to be.... <insert rule of equivalent exchange>
yaadda yadda
I got nothing.
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By Asura. Dameshi on 2017-04-11 11:03:44 |
being in an extremely tight spot
phrasing boom
Also feel like that trip is kind of needed for me to decide where we're sitting at relationship wise because I've felt really... meh lately.
/notepad
talk about "meh" Enjoy, and this may not be all, kinda doing this on a 10min break.
I've gotten to this point where I'm almost annoyed to be in the same space/talking to her. I don't hate her, but I just...
don't really want to be around her I guess?
I've been trying to decide if it's just a mixture of my usual stress/anxiety/depression that's then amplified due to the child causing me to just be overall numb to people, or if I'm really just not connecting with her anymore.
I keep looking at our interactions now and I just don't know if we ever really meshed well, like some days it seems like we can hold a conversation and other days I feel like we're both just barely dragging topics out of each other. Her values and goals feel incredibly different than mine and not just in a "Oh yea we're different people" sorta way.
I don't feel like I provide enough support to her either because I just... can't be assed? I don't even know how to word this one, I guess part of it is she doesn't really have any friends and I do have those outside connections. The only people she can really go to besides me is family where as I'm almost completely disconnected from my family except in extreme circumstances (deaths, inner family squabbles that I actually have to be a part of).
On that note, being anywhere near her family is an extreme amount of nope for me, I don't even want to waste my time going over for holidays anymore, I literally can't stand the way they operate, especially since 90% of the time some kind of argument and large amounts of yelling ensue when I join them, and I'm not even a part of it. It is literally their family ripping into each other for the tiniest things and I have to stop myself from joining in/outright leaving in the middle of it because it just doesn't involve me.
I also keep wondering if I'm ever going to be able to properly provide the support she needs as a significant other, as we both suffer from depression. However we obviously have different ways of dealing with it when it hits hard, she shuts down far more than I do because I can at least get a manic episode in every so often to cover for things, or my episodes end up... weaker? Than hers and I'll still get out of bed to at least do the essentials (cleanup, wash dishes, stuff like that). She is... much more severe, she essentially shuts down. I understand this, and I try to help when it happens, but if I attempt to do anything around the house when she's in this mood it ends up back firing on me because then she feels worse because I apparently am not allowed to be a fellow resident of the household and actually do any house work. I had to pull teeth to be "allowed" to do dishes.
Which is frustrating, because I grew up in a military home, where dishes are done either when you're done with the meal, or within 24 hours. If you really have to delay it, you at least rinse things out to make stuff easier/faster down the line. She... doesn't do or seem to understand this, and will also constantly gripe about how dishes wouldn't be anywhere near as bad if we had a dishwasher... they'd be the same, nothing would change.
I just...
Then there's the child who I feel I'm getting shorter and shorter with and it keeps reminding me that... I really don't want to nor do I think I am prepared/suited for parenthood. I'm not stupid enough to completely neglect a wee human but... I really just... don't care? Like, I don't feel any connection to this child other than basic "she is a living being and I can't just let her die when she's really done nothing wrong" and I feel like that... really wrong of me if I'm going to stay in this relationship...
I guess overall we're not really that good for each other and that I am in no way the kind of support she, or her child, needs. The only good thing I think I even bring to the table for her right now is some amount of financial stability(I've been paying out of pocket college expenses for the past... 7 months?) and what little social interaction I've managed to force her into just because I'm constantly in some kind of communication with friends.
I'm kind of afraid I'm going to end up like my father, marrying a woman I don't really care for just to keep up appearances around a child, except this time without any real care being had for the child involved.
But then I'm also afraid of what ends up happening if I do decide this isn't worth it and take off, like no matter what I do I end up screwing her over because... there's no way her family can support her, especially while in college, if I decide to leave. But then am I just staying because I'm afraid of the repercussions and not because I actually want to stay?
She's a great person, and we get along but... I don't know.
TDLR: I'm picking apart every little thing and I'm not sure if it's just me being an *** or if this relationship really isn't going to work out in the end
I feel like there are a lot of red flags there and I feel like I'm exactly the wrong person to try to approach many of them. But I think you should have someone professional approach them.
I don't mean Dr. Nik and Nurse Parker, either! You don't need a new glowing green growth on top of everything else. I have been the guild psychiatrist for a few WoW guilds... do I qualify?
I have a 100% breakup rate too! :D Or... is that a :(?
PARKER look into it.
In all seriousness, this is something you should definitely seek assistance on. It is a delicate situation, but in the end you must always look out for yourself. Being in a loveless relationship is bad for all parties involved and does no real justice for the child.
But again, I only have a Blizzard Degree Of Psychology™ so take any and all words I say/type with a grain of League of Legends salt.
I am also available for private speaking. $100/hr. I don't prorate, so don't ask. |
