Final Fantasy XIV Database - Ffxivpro.com

DON'T EAT THOSE PRETZELS!!!

/smacks


goddamnit... it why did it have to happen right at lunch time...so gross...

no wait! it happens today at lunch time!!! that's why it's not on the security cameras! because it hasn't happened yet!

scramble the ninjas! seal the castle! sound the alarms

/notices full bag of lame bbq chips on the lunch room table

wait a second....


ugh...PARKER...go ahead and throw those away in case I unate them during the time correction when we went back to yesterday from later today.

no see I'm pretty sure we skipped ahead like a needle on a record and then I corrected it...but the correction didn't actually happen yet so you don't remember it.

look if time travel was simple everyone would do it!!! just use the portal gun to throw those chips into some other dimension...I can't even look at them anymore...

if you see any uneaten sandwiches throw those out too.

again!?

/checks the atomic reality clock

ok... no... that seems legit. I think we're good...we seem to be back on track now...

/irish coffee

PARKER /pukes into a trashcan

walk it off PARKER...that's just time sea sickness from the wrinkle yesterday...which actually happens later today... that powerful sense of deja vu that you'll experience all day is normal... just carry the can with you... after you wash it out.

/ctrl z

uh oh....

/sprints to the time machine lab

/offers some lame bbq chips as a trade

no... well fine then

/eats chips while researching where to get special dark pretzels

Korean BBQ beef sandwich with a side of special dark pretzels.

idk about you the rest of you ladies and gentlemen and ladygentleman.... but I'm thinking about lunch...

hmmmmm jewbey tuesday -temporary name-

/ponders the great mystery of lunch



PARKER /pukes into a trashcan

what the hell is wrong with you PARKER!? you're going to make everyone lose their lunch....

wait a minute...did anyone else just feel that!? WTF!?

PARKER!!! go fetch me something to get stupid to... my brain is swimming in waves of black tar and the riptide is pulling me under...

PARKER Edit: reason number 47,632,806 ...

also...holy ***it can and it will... and you can take that guarantee to the bank... the ruthless bank.

we've been over this before but goddammit... my father in law, sir strokesalot, forgets where he is going while he is driving... if it's somewhere farther away then about ten minutes...PARKER Edit the exact length of time has not been verified due to insufficient data... well it is't very *** far PARKER... and it doesn't matter how often or how recently he has been somewhere...ESPECIALLY if it involves highway driving... then he gets in the formula one race car zone and he's too busy looking for openings to pass rather than the exits....

so rather than trying to pick him up at a certain time, which always makes us late waiting for him to get ready, I've been lying to him and saying the start time for the event is at least a half hour before the actual start time...so that he has time to get lost on the way there....

reason number 47,632,805 that I am going straight to hell....

PARKER Edit: but it might get better... right?....Mr. Mosin sir...

/checks the schedule

well let's see....after you clean up all the pig crap in the pig crap fueled methane refinery... you have to fight the raggety man in the thunderdome... rescue some idiot children that were abandoned in the desert....and then you have to sit through a six hour hard sell insurance seminar so that meshi can score the free dinner that comes with it... and the only thing you'll be allowed to say is..."that sounds interesting, could you please tell me a little bit more about that?" no matter what they tell you...

sooner or later they will realize you are an impostor and so you'll have to face whatever the punishment for that is...

It can always get worse. never forget that people...

Some R&M-associated Melancholy Monday tuneage for you.

so monday...we meet again...

/paces around the war room

it's no secret that we've been trying to develop a way to destroy you...or skip over you like kids playing double dutch...

the time machine produced way too many hallucinatory effects as it added the time we skipped back into the week



it seemed purposeful in that the time insertion seemed to almost always coincide with meetings... which then dragged on like bastinado torture...

but I checked all the protocols four times and there is just no way the program can know when we get sucked into meetings we don't want to be in...

I need to figure out a way to add the time back in while we are sleeping... so we'll just get a few hours extra of sleep every night.....

/calculates

the appropriate time to chime in would have been before the caveman asked his buddy to hold his beer...


which reminds me of the revenant for some reason....