It's funny really how it all turns out to be. Anyone remember that first feeling of playing FF for the first time? lol You run around with RSE gear killing lvl one mobs and loving it.. I'll never forget that feeling. Then you make friends and meet wonderful people who become closer than you'd ever imagine from a video game.
But after years of playthrough and broken memories I've come to realize FF is now nothing more than a place that people seem to forget about what matters in life.
Every single friend I met has forgotten me. I spent hours helping them get what they wanted just because I enjoyed it. In the end I'm tossed aside. It's as if I was just another NPC to them.
I met a beautiful girl on here once who became my best friend. We did everything together lol, farming, quests, duo, you name it. Eventually she became my girlfriend. It lasted for 6 months...six entire months before I found out she was married and only used me as a play thing for pleasure. You'd think it's nothing but when I really believed....when I really loved her...it honestly broke my heart.
Eventually while trying to love FF again I met another while trying to sell an Enhancing Sword. We ended up talking all day and night. lol It was...amazing. For some reason I came to really enjoy her presence. So I told her my life story...about my very first gf who died on her birthday, about my abusive parents, everything.... and about my ex-gf on FF who almost had me at suicide.
And so it went on....she comforted me and I fell for her. She promised to love me forever and be at my side. She promised to never hurt me and I did the same. Perhaps now it sounds so foolish but believe me at that moment of romance....reality changes.
Perhaps she loved me too, I'll never know. We were together a few months before she began to act strange...to have me question things. But whenever I asked she'd push away.. I began to fear that maybe it was happening all over again. But I also fought to hold the trust I had for her....I mean...she swore with all her heart that she loved me. And all I ever gave her was honesty and compassion.
....Today I found out she switched servers and tried to hide from me out of nowhere. Just like my ex... After swearing to never hurt me she did just the same as my ex-girlfriend did.
Laugh at me as you read this, while I cry as I write this. I'm merely a stupid kid who fell in love with the most beautiful girl he's ever met, but in the end she hurt me more than anyone will ever hurt me. I loved her...I still love her. But a few minutes ago I was forced to find where she fled and tell her that I loved her and if she truly never wanted to see me again I'd let her go...because I only wanted her to be happy...
I won't write any names because it's the manly thing to do. They know who they are...they may even be reading this at this very moment. The only thing I want to say is that even though this is merely a game...there are real people playing with real feelings and real lives. Is gil and gear really worth destroying someone's life? Whatever happened to playing for fun and personal enjoyment? I have no regrets for helping out the people I helped before...but for Christ's *** sake stop *** with my heart...
Call me emo. call me whatever the hell you want. But I'm just another regular player who loved playing this as much as anyone else. And I see what really happens in this game. I know how people truly are... In this game our true personalities come out and my god...lol...if this is how humans really are..then I sure hope that some *** meteor shatters the planet. Because I'd rather be a worm than a human being.
If you took the time to read this then thank you... I have no one else to talk to so the FF community seemed just.
Someone please hack my account and delete all my ***because I don't have it in me to quit this prison of a game.
*EDIT* NEVER MIND ABOUT THIS LAST STATEMENT WTF???? EMO MOMENT MUCH?
sigh... edit#2 for those who misunderstood this statement: "But after years of playthrough and broken memories I've come to realize FF is nothing more than hell itself." People seemed to have taken it literally. I meant people in general. And all the bad ***that happens on it.