Dear United States Of America,

Dear everyone

I just got a new desktop back ground :P

For all you ignorant fools who think that the U.S. needs to convert to the metric system let me explain something to you. Do you know how many times the U.S. has been invaded by a foreign country in the last, Oh, say 1000 years? ZERO! Why?, because we use the imperial system.

If any of you foreign hippies would take just two seconds to think things through it's actually quite simple.

First of all, if anyone were to try and invade the U.S. the first thing they are going to need is a car. It's not invading if your having to borrow your neighbors bike or skateboard (fact). It is in this very first step of invasion that the imperial system is already starting to work. You see, everyone else in the world drives those tiny stupid nazi cars with the steering wheels built on the wrong side, but here in America don't use metric roads, we use imperial roads which drive on the other side thus rendering your non-American invasion mobile useless.

You will be forced to use an American car for your plans. But alas! You have fallen right into our imperial trap. You see, in metric lands they use Kmph instead of Mph (like God told Moses to use in the Bible). And since nearly all people not from the U.S. can't read English numbers they will foolishly assume that the speed they see on the gauge is in Kmph, but, as all Americans already know 3 Mph = ~100 Kmph. So when you try to drive with your backwards invader mentality you might think you are going only 65 Kmph but in actuality you will be traveling at near the speed of sound.

Now the trap is sprung! If at any point someone in the U.S. tries to drive Ford Tarus (as this is most likely the car you would have rented to continue your invasion) at near the speed of sound they are going to get pulled over by the cops in like 10 seconds. Do you have ANY IDEA how much that ticket is going to be!? A lot, I can promise you that, and after you were gouged at Hertz for your lol Ford Tarus you will have no money to pay such a hefty fine, leaving only your foolish home country to foot the bill for you. And since, as all Americans know, every other country in the world is dirt poor compared to us they will be so far in debt after paying your fine, they will not be able to attempt another invasion for several months!!

So as you see, the imperial system not only keeps us safe from the invading forces of the rest of the world but it also is a nice source of income for our local pounds and humane shelters. So before any of you decide to bash this God given set of measurements again, think about all the kittens and puppies that will suffer and die should we change to the metric system.

i must say WTF >.> kinda funny but still ... WTF >.>

i know its just a random post just for laughs but god i can already for see everyone rippin it apart >< (startin with the fact that america is only afew hundred years old not 1000 ><) and if u wanna argue about north america then it was invaded and colonized alot >< ... still made me laugh tho :p (the 1000years thing just bugged meh >.>)

wut?

You're powers of exaggeration is astounding. This new learning intrigues me. You are one sad strange little man, and you have my sympathy.

Z
O
M
G

omg Anye. No you didn't.

Lol at 1000, this is why people rip on Americans. half of them don't know anything about there own country, but wait i have proof of this:D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdljzbHELmM&feature=PlayList&p=608075BD4BFBDB3B&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=27

During the War of 1812 Canada invaded the US and burnt down the White House.

Therefore, stfu Frobs. :P

I think most American's know that they're knowledge of not only their history, but also their government and democratic policies are vastly pathetic. Besides, only history majors and archaeologists need to know that kind of stuff >.>

I didn't! Those damn price gougers at Hertz! I JUST DON'T HAVE THE MONEY TO PAY SUCH A HEFTY FINE Q_Q

Canadians? I thought it was the british!

Lol yes pick that apart on a whole little tirade that was all made for fun. Gj. Cause that makes any sense at all. Why not say something about cars going the speed of sound while your at it? /facepalm at people that can't take a joke

Really what did they accomplish? Jack ***. I would hardly even call it a real invasion

You're all wrong. Autonomous robotic organisms from the planet Cybertron have come to integrate themselves into our casual society by disguising themselves as vehicles and other modes of transport (even Segways!).

And they've learned Earth's languages from the world wide web.

Ah well then they will be pretty easy to spot irl. Wait that's why one guy I play with says stuff like keke and L O L irl!!! OMG He's one of them

wat?

Well if they learn english from the internet they gunna speak in internet lingo right? Well theres this guy I know. He actually says things like... L O L. Yes says each letter. Keke and lulz etc. It's kinda weird/sad Idk. Lucried if your reading this bwhahhahahahahahhahaha I know your secret now you are transformer

They're robits.


In disguise! You can spot them by their need for minerals. Photographical clues such as this are sometimes necessary:



HOLD YER SEA HORSES. The fine people at Hertz would never do such a thing. Also, that Tarus is all show, everyone knows the GMC Econogalka is far more dependable.

I've actually found myself saying "lawl" "lulz" or "rawfulmao" by accident :x And I actually do \o\ in real life. Unconsciously. Like when I go "Oh, my gawd!" I will actually raise my arms, in a tilted fashion. \o\

Yes, it's quite weird/sad. :3 But I take pride in my nerdliness.


Yeah, and I hear the people at Entaruprise are actually quite fair, and they drive to you! They sit on boostaru seats, it's adorable. <3

K BEDTIME BAI

I tried doing a "\o\" just now to simulate the experience. Not happening. lol

ENTARUPRISE, YES OF COURSE. I missed that like 5 times.

Sorry, just had to comment on this :P

Blame America for not jumping head-first into a war that didn't involve them at the time! Makes sense, if you're British! The primary problem with the world view on the USA is when America DOESN'T get involved, people complain but when they DO get involved... well... people complain just as much. It's not like Europe helps us often when we are in crisis either. Of the last 6 US wars how many did England assist us with? 2?

PS:
The metric system won't take root in USA for a very long time if it ever does completely. People still use the QWERTY keyboard, after all, and it's very inefficient. They stick with it because it's what they learned, doesn't matter that it's outdated and was used for REALLY old typewriters to avoid jamming.

well as a conclusion, metric is used everywhere even in the 50 states, but USA keep the old fashion imperial system just for fun (huh?) and to stay..."different"
and jackieoliveras understood it well (ya know da "you're not happy with that? suck my USN nuke and go f*ck yourself")
the fact is scientist use metric...and °C...(wonder how did farenheint to make is temperature scale thing)


ps: mac donald also knew it => quarter pounder cheese in usa to be fat
Royal cheese in EU, the burger of da kings!
j/k
PS2: i do love cookie :p

That depends on the matter of involvement that's going on. In WW2 USA's involvement was mostly "good" because they dropped two bombs effectively scaring the whole east in continuing the war.

But.. once they start a ridiculous war in a country that's on another continent mainly to tap oil, yeah you can expect complaints at that point.

And we all know the USA kind of fails at guerilla warfare too. At least I think Obama is the only one that realizes you can't win a war against the whole population.


LOlFORDTARU

Are you telling me you could create a better typing method?

Really, I don't care I've been living with QWERTY for all of my life. I'm in my twenties I can learn something as simple as a new keyboard setting.

Seriously, I have no trouble at all to adapting and learning new things. Holding yourself tightly to the past is very BAAAAAD.

While we are ragging on the United States, I found this a while ago on facebook. PLEASE remember U.S citizens, this is all written in good humour, don't take things so seriously!!

Pulled from the Facebook group: "Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America"

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to competently govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Gordon Brown MP, for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

The House of Representatives and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.

You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

Look up "interspersed."

There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).

You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.

While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.

British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. Popular British films such as the Italian Job and the Wicker Man should never be remade.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football." There are other types of football such as Rugby, Aussie Rules & Gaelic football. However proper football - which will no longer be known as soccer, is the best known, most loved and most popular. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).

We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2010.

You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of North America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. The 4th of July is no longer a public holiday. The 2nd of November will be a new national holiday, but only in Britain. It will be called "Indecisive Day."

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.

Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager . From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From the 10th of November the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until the 1st of April) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $10/US gallon -- get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.

A lot to read I know. Also check out under recent news the Wall of Shame, posts from US citizens who prove they are not deserving of their independence by posting stupid comments http://www.facebook.com/board.php?uid=2208523152#/group.php?gid=2208523152&v=info
You will be lol'ing for hours :D

You just don't want to be the next state because you'd have to actually, you know, deal with federal taxes. We should cut you guys off.

add kicked in before 1.

@Kurenka, in all good fun: So long as this doesn't need to come about again. Sure.

But you may want to act fast, because Vermont already has a mind of its own.