Friendliness And Flirting

Nowadays a lot of people seem to equate this friendliness with flirting. Like to chat with your female coworker about stuff outside of work? She might think you are hitting on her. Like hockey and want to watch the game with some friend from your Linear Algebra class? He thinks you're just doing it because you have the hots for him.

I remember back in high school, I had some girls who I was kind of friends with. One day one of them asked me to go see a movie since we hadn't talked in a long while due to university. A few days later I saw that another awesome movie we we both enjoyed was coming out and I asked if she wanted to go see it and grab some sushi near the theaters that we both loved thinking we could start hanging out again. She says maybe and after that she kind of cut off her connection with me again.

I asked her what was up a few weeks later and she said she thought I was asking her out and she didn't like me that way. I told her I was treating her like I treat all my guy friends, that I want to hang out with her and be friends and that cleared everything up.

This wasn't the first time that something similar has happened with girls who I am friends with either. Has anyone experienced this kind of thing when you treat new friends of the opposite sex friends the same way you treat your same sex friends? Do you think that the society of today kind of teaches us that when guys and girls show interest in each other, they are trying to get in each other's pants?

Short answer: Yes.

Longer answer: Since males and females became aware of the opposite sex and what they could do this has been the case. Now instead of smacking someone over the head with a club and dragging them back to your cave, you spend money in hopes of getting them back to your cave (often alcohol has taken the place of a club, similar effects).

Unless actual lines are established from the start, one person is going to think the other is trying to form a relationship other than platonic.

I am absolutely unable to be friend with women. All the women that have been close to me have been romantic interests. I do talk with women from work and other random women met at other places, but they aren't what I would call friends, they're merely people I know.

I only remember one girl that, when I invited her to the cinéma thought I meant it as "let's go with all our friends", but that was only because I didn't answer her feelings some time before.
My friend who is more of a normal human being when it comes to being friends with women usually go for drinks and various stuff with them without any flirting going on, and it's perfectly clear.

I think it really depends on the context overall and the relationship with the person. The only thing that would be better was if people were actually open minded and would make sure that the intent is clear, so there are no mistake made, like in the example you gave.
I'm the kind to think that when you're not sure you have to ask, and if it bothers you, you have to explain it.

I'm pretty sure society is telling us that when the opposite gender wants to hang out they like you, or try to get with you, but there are instances where me and some women have hung out as just friends and we both know that nothings going to happen and that we aren't trying to get with each other.
I think it depends on the person, how you meet, how you speak and how you act around them.

This, is the definition of a....date! :3

It's not the definition of a date; under the exclusively romantic definition, anyway.

Men and women can be friends. It's not hard. If feelings crop up, talk about it like *** adults, and move on from there.

eh; only in the same sense that if you go to the movies and grab sushi with your friends of the same gender, you just became gay/bi.

The problem IS the society, but not because it teach about that. In fact, at least where i live, society dictates 2 diferent behaviours for both gender. And those 2 behaviours are completely oposite. And thats not the today society, this is a hystorical legate from the pre historical human being, where men treated woman just as personal prostitutes. If you think about, the woman being more active in society is pretty recent, but still we carry this diference about being a woman and being a man.

This diference, imo, makes too hard a friendship between genders as if it was a friendship bewteen same gender. Girls, in my country, when child, play with doll, boys plays football. When both grow, society implies woman the chastity, and the man to be a new don juan.

This makes hard to have a pure friendship, there isnt too much interest in the other side intersts. But gays have ease to interact with girl and achieve the real friendship because they share the same tastes, and both arent stigmatized of a hunter/prey relation that is imposed by society from long time ago.

Tl,dr: its society fault, yes, because it insist in the evident diference between both genders, making hard for a man to enter in an culture he wasnt educated for, and vice versa. When we see another person trying to enter where he isnt supose to be (like girls in footbal game, or boys in womans conversations), its hard to not consider second intentions, and, from society pov, the only intersection between both gender is marriage/love relationships.

Too much thought goes into this on both sides.


The dividing line between acute awareness and paranoid delusions is when you start blaming outside problems for your own rigidity.

If men and women couldn't be friends the dreaded friend zone would not exist.

Quite the contrary in my opinion. The "Friend Zone" only exists because some men are under the delusion that any time spent with a female companion obligates a payoff of sex.

Therefore, I think it's the fact that some men cannot simply be friends with a woman that creates the whole "Friend Zone" thing.

As it currently stands, yes men and woman can absolutely be friends without worrying about each others' pants. I've had several female friends... Until one of them gets married. Then it pretty much goes all downhill from there.

Had a great friend for almost 9 years, until she got married last year. Heard from her once after that and then that was pretty much it.

Although the same thing seems to apply to guys as well. Once your guy friends (assuming you're a guy for all of this) gets married, it's more or less the same thing. Only he'll continue to talk to you and even make plans, but don't expect him to follow through on anything.

Marriage pretty much kills any friendships. Your married friends become pretty much a one sided friendship in which they only talk to you about their problems or want things from you or do things for them. They lose the reciprocal aspect of what being a friend is all about.

Don't expect them to follow through on plans or anything else either. You're better off befriending an air conditioner at that point.

Ha, I know what you mean.

Single Friends: "Are you Free Friday Night?" = PARTY TYME!

Married Friends: "Are you free Friday Night?" = Good, we need a babysitter.

Buy her a Hallmark card.

I am living that one of my best friends just got married. I'll probably never see him again.

His wife won't let him to do anything. I am lucky if I see him once a year now.

Moral of this thread appears to be:

Don't let friends get married.

Funny, but I've even had the same thing happen with married couples without kids.

They get trapped in some kind of only hang out with other married couples bubble or something. Or in the case of the guy, he has to sneak out to hang out with you. Pass. It's a little insulting honestly.

YES!!!

It sucks too, because as a friend you try to be supportive and get the boot for doing so. Try and stop them and you're the shitty person. I try to take the high road, but it's getting quite annoying frankly.

Don't know any married lesbians, but hanging out with a married gay couple is a little too much for me. No problem with it, but keep the over zealous PDA away from me along with turning everything into some kind of sexual innuendo. I don't need to see it constantly.

Same with the guy who always has to wrap himself around his wife/girlfriend like a monkey no matter what's going on.

If any of more of my friends get married will be down to my Facebook friends. And you know those don't count.


I might as well just say I'm friends with FFXIAH users at that point. I talk to you guys more often than FB friends.

You stole my post !! Very well said.

I have only 3 friends left.(that aren't married0 It is getting pretty scary.

I do have one friend that is married that I still hang out with. He is the exception to the rule.

I dunno, never had this issue. I'm a straight, average looking guy, but really only ever had female friends. I guess I just never gave off whatever vibe it is that makes women assume you're interested in them romantically.

Guess I'm just effeminate enough to not be threatening? Or they just all assumed I was gay until they found out otherwise... But the friend zone is not a male only club from personal experience.

I had a real Facebook account a few years ago, deleted the whole thing though. I'm the kind of person who only calls people I consider friends, friends. As in I don't call every person I meet a friend. But then my whole news feed became a huge look at our kids, look at us on 'date night' thing.

There's a whole Lewis Black routine on it too, lol. Wish I could find it, but I only have the audio.

Old Yeller (Live at the Borgata) 2013 - Biggest Disappointment is the track. Great listen, lol.

The only reason I keep my Facebook is because some of my friends invite me to go places through FB. They are too lazy to call or text me...


If I could get rid of Facebook I would in a minute.


My favorite user is some girl I sorta know that posts.


"I hate Monday" every Monday for the last three years.

I considered making a Facebook once, but I didn't want an unpaid full-time job.

Yeah I have one married friend left, with twins mind you. I occasional send a text too, or see him online.

He's been wanting me to take him to the Colbert Report, so you know how that goes. Bailed 3 times the night before, after I got tickets and everything. Finally I was like listen you tell me when you have some free time and let me know and I'll schedule for that time. It's been 2 years now, lol.

Sent him a text last month asking if he still wanted to go before the show ends. He's like yeah definitely. Ok let me know when you have the time. So yeah...

I'm going down to AC at the end of this month. I'll most likely stop by his house, but that's about it really. They're stuck in their bubble. But at least they let me peek in, so to speak. Still very friendly. Just won't do anything.

What's funny (gotta laugh) is my hippie friend who's in upstate ny. Not even married, just engaged (no kids), complains no one will hang out with him. Never calls me, and when he does it's always well I think [insert name] is shopping today so come by up real quick while she's out. It's an hour drive ***! Not driving an hour to sneak around your girlfriend and have to leave in case she comes back.

I'm always under the assumption women aren't interest in me that way. But that's a thing that carried over from high school that always sticks around.

For some reason this page has adverts for Islamdate.com, go home GoogleAds, you're drunk.

If I read correctly, she offered an opportunity to catch up, then you asked her for another opportunity which she misjudged to be a romantic offer.


That is kind of a date. The fact that you added dinner to your response is also kind of a date. But yours is a little more so because you added food. I say kind of because it all boils down to someone's intent. Catching up can be intimate, going to a movie together can be intimate, dinning together can be intimate. All only if it's intended to be.

You're proposal was inclusive of much more opportunity for intimacy. Therefore, obviously you're romantically interested. I joke of course, she sounds pretty self absorbed and/or narcissistic. You kind of have to be to see romance in when someone asks you out for lunch.

"Of course he's interested in me, it's ME!"

Men and women CAN be friends, there is frequently sexual tension between them when they are, but that hardly means they are incapable of caring about each other in a platonic way.

It's only a date if I have an erection 51% of the time. Lern2webstersdicktionary.