Screw that, I'll give myself alcohol poisoning.
"In order to balance this un-balanced game, we are adding a new Job Trait "Weapon balance". This new balancing trait will help balance dual-wielder jobs compared to their, currently unbalanced, 2hander jobs. The new item "Balance sword" will be added to further balance "weapon balance". Also, the MHMU has decided to reward all the adventurers out there! Everyone will be receiving in their delivery box, a balance card, a balance coin, a balance stone, a balance jewel, and a balance ring!!!
-SE Dev team"