Joke Time.

I actually scrolled to the bottom after reading the first part, the joke makes much more sense that way.

A man walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I got a deal for ya." The bartender, interested, gives him a glance. "If I can show you something that completely amazes you, you give me drinks for free all night." At first, the bartender just laughs. But then he decides to go with it. So the man goes back outside and brings in a box. He pulls out a mini piano and sets it on the counter. Then he pulls out a seat and a frog and sets those in front of the piano. Then he pulls out a rat and places it on top of the piano. The frog starts playing a song and the rat starts singing and dancing to it. Completely amazed, the bartender starts pouring drinks for this man.

Few hours and one completely wasted man later, a talent agent walks into the bar. He spots the frog and rat performing their act and runs to the bartender. "Sir, how much for that act!" The bartender shakes his head and points at the man at the end of the counter.
"Belongs to him," he said. So the talent agent rushes over to the drunk and shakes him to get his attention.
"Sir, I'll give you one million dollars for that act over there!"
The drunk shrugs the talent agent's hand off him and mutters, "Not for sale." Upset, the talent agent starts to leave. "Wait a minute," the man slurred. "How about a quarter of a mil for the rat?" Ecstatic, the travel agent pulls out his check book and writes the man his check. He grabs the rat and runs off with it. The bartender turns stares at the drunk in disbelief.
"What the hell! You had a million dollar act! You could have become rich with those two! Why would you sell him that rat?!" The drunk snickers and says,

"It's fine. The frog's a ventriloquist."

More of a quote than an actual joke, but...

"My God Buckman! This can has been on the Stingray since Korea!"

Buckman: It still tastes like cream corn.

"But it's deviled ham!"

Down Periscope - Great Movie lol

This thread calls for some Anti-Joke Chicken

My girlfriend and I went out to a restaurant last night, and some of the other diners started calling me a 'paedo' and a 'cradle snatcher.' All because I'm a 52 year old man with a 21 year old girlfriend.

It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary meal.

Yo momma so fat her 2hr is "Walk"

lmao, took me a second to get that!!! good times
im so sorry. did you take you 8 year old son with you, or were you able to get a sitter?

I love anti-joke chicken ; ;

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Women's rights

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog.
All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head.
The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!"
The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

A Russian walks into a bar and orders a beer. "That will be one ruble," says the bartender.
"One ruble!"the customer protests, "last week it was only fifty kopeks!"
"Well," replies the bartender, "it's fifty kopeks for the beer and fifty kopeks for the perestroika."
Reluctantly, the customer gives the bartender a ruble, and is surprised when the bartender gives him back fifty kopeks and says, "We are out of beer."

your momma is so fat her cellphone operates like twister.

your momma is so fat when she goes to the movies everyone has to sit next to her.

your momma is so fat when she looks at the menu in a restaurant, she looks at the waiter and says: "ok".

A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and says to the bartender, "Give me a shot of your finest whiskey, I'm celebrating!"

As the guy pounds the shot, the bartender asks, "So what are you celebrating?"

"My first ***!" says the guy with a smile.

"Well alright man, congratulations! Let me pour you another, and this one is on the house!"

"Nah" says the guy, "If one doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."

A guy walks into a bar and says "Ouch."

A man walks into a bar.



Nothing happens that's worth explaining.

An FFXI player makes a joke

Sylph server

You want a joke?