Random Thoughts.....What Are You Thinking?

I had been a medic for approximately 2 whole weeks, and those two weeks where my OTJ training, getting familiar with the rigs, the equipment bags and so on..so I truly had not been assigned my own crew until this random weds.

I get *names changed to protect the mean spirited jerks!* Shane, Derek, and Timmy assigned to my normal crew


I am the only girl, (and the only medic on my crew).. So we settle in to an uncomfortable trying to get to know each other evening in the squadhouse when we get toned out for an unknown medical emergency. (As all EMS personnel know this is the scariest of all, for you truly have no idea what you are walking into.

So off we go, to a dirtier side of town..where the drunks and the dirt poor live (again i hate stereotypes but its a fact of life and true). We get out and the guys rush in saying *Rescue Unit 212 How can we help you?* In the meantime the pt is laying on his stomach facing the wall on the couch so he cannot see anyone just hear voices. I head to the head of the couch and kneel down so we can be eye level and I say sir, what appears to be your trouble today? He rolls his head towards me and sees im a chick eye level and calmly says to me dead serious face "my balls are swollen and my @$$hole hurts." First call EVER as lead. My guys go "I am going to get the stretcher" and head outside laughing their butts off. I cannot leave and I TRY to stay focused so I repeat, "So your testicles are swollen and your rectum hurts." The guy ooks at me, repeats what he had said to me verbatim and then says man can you massage em for me? I think I need ice. .... Shane looks at me dead face and says "Here take some trauma shears, yo may have to expose and treat the areas" To which I reply oh no we good, and we got the guy safely to the rig and transported to the ER. The radio report was interesting to say the least. :)

As you can imagine, the amount of rubber balls (and by rubber balls I mean rubber testicles*JACKASSES* I got in my locker and left in my rig for months was amazing. And my crew never let that day be left where it belonged, back in hell.

the guy who died with his penis in his hand and a porn playing on the tv with his hot pink shorts around his ankles comes to mind - and yes i was the only medic AGAIN

I can also tell you about the couple who roleplayed and then someone got jealous tsk tsk no safe words.. so much body parts skinned, removed, gouged, and eviscerated that day and the chick was just like lolwut